i don't know if anyone in the history of this planet has felt the way i do right now. i witness my self being erased today. i was a nuop student a program chock full of "educationally or economically disadvantaged students" (not telling you that we've come here to be disadvantaged more so but that's besides the point) for the first half or so of my college career. four days after my graduation from high four years ago i was driven up here by several friends that i now barely talk to for reasons that are purely inersia. it was a sunday and absolutely no one was here. the joint eeriely quiet. i was expecting a roommate. this was the first time that he didn't show.

today i woke to the sounds of these kids the newest crop of bright eyed and bushy tailed nuop students dragging their belongings with their sweaty relatives complaining about the lack of an elevator. this was my first flashback of the day. foggy, i got up and raced to the mailbox through this sea of mini suvs and concerned parents. my letter has still not arrived. i went up stairs showered and than went to the dining hall to eat. as i went to get iced tea i see a 7 year old ask me if it was lipton brisk. i quicky realized that he was 1 of a hundred seven or eight year olds. if i didn't feel old yet that did it.

as i ate i watched these seven run around and i felt as if niagara was already recruiting them. i noticed there were black or hispanic summer camp kids until i dumped out my tray. i saw in the closed section this table of four black kids. i said hello introduced myself before i had to go.

it was almost as if i saw my self being erased by a big pink eraser while someone else was drawing in the same spot.