my classes here end on thursday. there's still much to do and i'll finish it all in due time. i'm not panicked, i'm not regretful, there's an errie since of calm that surrounds me.

in the past week i told secret that i promised not to it turns out that it was for the best of all parties involved.

i went out in rochester in several neighborhoods i'd might end up in

i saw an inconvienent truth with a friend of mine. it seemed like a well choreograhed al gore for president propaganda piece which would be more than fine for me. i supported him in 2000 and i support him now.

http://www.climatecrisis.net/

its scary, it confirms my overwhelming belief that the world is in trouble. something huge is upon us. If you're interested about more stuff that could be upon us hit from the wilderness. our hunger for oil may well sink us all.

http://www.fromthewilderness.com/

i don't know if anyone in the history of this planet has felt the way i do right now. i witness my self being erased today. i was a nuop student a program chock full of "educationally or economically disadvantaged students" (not telling you that we've come here to be disadvantaged more so but that's besides the point) for the first half or so of my college career. four days after my graduation from high four years ago i was driven up here by several friends that i now barely talk to for reasons that are purely inersia. it was a sunday and absolutely no one was here. the joint eeriely quiet. i was expecting a roommate. this was the first time that he didn't show.

today i woke to the sounds of these kids the newest crop of bright eyed and bushy tailed nuop students dragging their belongings with their sweaty relatives complaining about the lack of an elevator. this was my first flashback of the day. foggy, i got up and raced to the mailbox through this sea of mini suvs and concerned parents. my letter has still not arrived. i went up stairs showered and than went to the dining hall to eat. as i went to get iced tea i see a 7 year old ask me if it was lipton brisk. i quicky realized that he was 1 of a hundred seven or eight year olds. if i didn't feel old yet that did it.

as i ate i watched these seven run around and i felt as if niagara was already recruiting them. i noticed there were black or hispanic summer camp kids until i dumped out my tray. i saw in the closed section this table of four black kids. i said hello introduced myself before i had to go.

it was almost as if i saw my self being erased by a big pink eraser while someone else was drawing in the same spot.

regrets

i'm writing a paper on sling blade and whether Billy Bob Thornton (pre Angelina and vile of blood around their necks of course)'s character Carl should have been ethically punished more harshly. I'm about done with it now. He was aware yet ignorant ironic eh.

marilyn mansion's fight song just came on my itunes party shuffle. i remember when i was pushed into a corner by my first creative writing teacher Mr. Fitta who i called to his annoyance Fitta when i said even marilyn mansion's lyrics could be considered poetic. bashfully i bought it and

ever notice how all the women on MSNBC outside of Rita Cosby are extremely attractive. I'm watching Contessa i think her name is and its really quite rediculous how attractive she is, she's a good anchor nothing special really just good. she seems to be from the anderson cooper school of "i'm gonna tell you all about me while i'm telling you the news. but alison stewart takes the cake attractive and unbelivably keith olbermann level funny.

[IMG]http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i277/lifeoutsidethebubble/stewart.jpg[/IMG]

my neck and back hurt. they shouldn't but they do

i hope to leave here before the fourth of july and come back just after to finish my last week at niagara. i've been looking for jobs and apartments in rochester and buffalo. but i think rochester is the way go at the moment. its starting to seem real now and i can't express how cool that is. i'm gonna lose alot of people most for good reason the other by inercia the ones that stay loyal were the special ones from this time. the ones that fall by the wayside

my movie is in shambles. I'm gonna slap it together and take my C like a man. A man I say. just over two weeks till i can be rid of this place. a cesspool of self important atheletes that serve as princes, the royals whom all have gone away for the summer, and self loathing paupers struggling to maintain their sanity. i hope that the next steps are easier than these last ones.

at the moment there are only two regrets that i can fix before its too late. will i fix them depends wholely on whether i think its worth the mess that each will cause in the coming months.

all other regrets be damned.

james

precursor

i'd try to explain the premise but its tough. i'm 22 and in three weeks i leave my college's campus forever. and i don't know if i could be happier about it. my nickname for niagara and more generally all college is the bubble.

the bubble is four years old and is soon to burst. i'll document the bursting of this bubble here because i'm stupid enough to do so.

this'll be the first of many posts to come

james